I Expected

I Expected

The thirty eighth year
of my life, plain as bread
round as a cake
an ordinary woman

an ordinary woman

I expected to be
smaller than this
more beautiful ,
wiser in afrikan ways
more confident,
I had expected
more than this

I will be forty soon.
my mother was once forty.

my mother died at forty four,
a woman of sad countenance
leaving behind a girl
awkward as a stork.
my mother was thick,
her hair was a jungle and
she was very wise
and beautiful
and sad.

I have dreamed dreams
for you mama
more than once.
I wrapped me
in your skin
and made you live again
more than once.
I have taken the bones you
hardened
and built daughters
and they blossom and promise fruit
like afrikan trees.
I am a woman now.
an ordinary woman.
in the thirty eight
years of my life,
surrounded by life,
a perfect picture of
blackness blessed,
I had not expected this loneliness.

if it is western,
if it is the final
europe in my mind,
if in the middle of my life
I am turning the final turn
into the shining dark
let me come to it whole
and holy
not afraid
not lonely
out of my mother’s life
into my own.
into my own.

I had expected more than this.
I had not expected to be an
ordinary woman.

—Clifton


Starting your poem

Look back 5 years ago or maybe 10 years ago, how did you envision your life to be? Has it lived up to you expectations or failed or both?

1st Stanza
The (insert your age) year of my life, (simile about how you feel about your life), (another simile),
(a statement about yourself).

(repeat statement)

I had expected to be

Add 3 more stanzas about your expectations.